Of Live Rabbits and A Dead Goat – Open Letter to President Mahama
Dear President John D. Mahama, Your Excellency Your Majesty Nana Atopiah Commander-In-Chief of Goats in Purgatory Etc. Etc. It’s not like I couldn’t have delivered this letter to you in the Flagstaff House, you see? It’s just that I don’t trust the people around your goat-skinned throne, you understand? And so I am writing you this open letter where I’m sure you would read unimpeded by the national security red flag that would have been placed on my letter should it have been delivered in that magnificent palace built by HE John Agyekum Kuffour, OBE, etc. Oh, forgive me, Mr. President. I should have introduced myself. My name is JayJay D. Segbefia. I live in the jungle. That should suffice for now, no? I have been meaning to write to you for a long while but I have never found the time until now. No worries. Better late than never, no? Don’t be fooled by my last name, however. You may just have ended your tour in Volta, but you need to resign if you think busing people into a political rally is evidence of overwhelming support for your incompetence with all people of Volta origin. In fact, as you’re about to discover, you have more to fear from my last name than you do from all Afrifa, Asante and Bretuo put together. I. Let’s talk about Competence.Let me start by congratulating you on your #ChangingLives and #TransformingGhana tour. Obviously, the Better Ghana agenda is so far from reality that you had to talk about change and transformation, as if you were in opposition. One of the highlights of your tour is your triumphant entry into the Wa Township with a motorcar, surrounded by a very formidable national security unit headed by Mr. Beautiful. I am sure your constituents were all awed by the shock and drivel of your tour. It must be a very easy thing to turn the presidency into an overwhelming circus of a joke. Was that stunt supposed to prove you’re in sync with the people? Why didn’t you go into Nkwanta with a bicycle? The potholes on their road is good enough to stock tilapia fingerlings, but I digress. The story is told of a dead goat with majestically long horns that was full of choler and agitation against a white bunny rabbit that was yapping its tongue in a green, manicured lawn. The goat, angered by the rabbit’s yapping, decided to teach it a lesson by goring it to death. The goat grunted its displeasure, churned the grass with its powerful hooves, blew balls of gas from its nostrils and charged, with long horns lowered. The rabbit chewed on a carrot as the goat drew closer, unconcerned until just when the goat was about to strike. Then the rabbit swallowed the carrot he was done chewing and yelled, “Yaaaah!” The goat stiffened, braked to a screeching halt and fell down dead. The End. Horrible story, eh? What do you care? The goat was already dead to begin with. It’s the same thing about your incompetence, you see? At the core of your very presidential existence is incompetence of the emeritus kind. You and your misbegotten party’s ilk are the definition of incompetence. Let me break down the definition for you.
- The power crises will continue into 2016. You have been promising to end it since 2012, and the more years that elapse, the more ridiculous your promises become. That, Mr. President, is incompetence.
- Your Power Minister promised to resign if dumsor doesn’t end by the end of 2015. We’re a month away from December 31. The power barges are in Tema now, no doubt preparing to be the rhetorical ground for another misbegotten presidential speech. Even if those barges are rigged into the grid before December 31, incompetence will ensure we won’t have relief until March 2016, if at all. Your Power Minister would therefore have failed. He won’t resign (tweaaa… who resigns in Ghana in NDC politics?) and you, Mr. President will not (in this lifetime or the next) have the giggle-berries to fire the son-of-a-dead goat. That, right there, is incompetence.
- Did we not become the laughing stock of the world when we flew thousands of dollars in cash to Brazil to pay our Black Stars during the world cup when they had us all by the gonads (sounds like terrorism to me on their part but you don’t exactly write off your travel per diems, do you?). Wasn’t it incompetence that made you not pay their money, forcing them to adopt the terrorism approach? But, granted that Brazil was none of your fault and that you were as saintly as Prof. Mills (may he rest where there’s light and no dumsor) about the whole disgusting debacle, what’s your excuse for the $200,000 we flew again to the Black Star’s from Congo during their Rwanda game the other time? Surely that one proves you really are incompetent.
- What happened to the GYEEDA, SADA and AGAM monies? Why haven’t they been retrieved? Maybe incompetence is to blame?
- Finally let’s talk about the Eurobond incompetence…