By JayJay D. Segbefia

Accra, Ghana


Of course we’re all happy that a couple of Guantanamo Bay detainees would think to start their lives of freedom in Ghana. I do not know how they must have heard of us in 14+ years of being locked up in small maximum security wire-meshed cells, shackled when moving outside, served poor food, provided third-rate medical care and prohibited from having any visitors except lawyers, while all of their mail were scrutinized and censored in ways that the Chicago Tribune  considers had nothing to do with American security. I imagine Ghana comes to one’s mind easily while one’s testicles are being shock-prodded by an electrical contraption whose sole purpose is to gather information about one’s terrorist activities.

Herh Ghana! Gye wo two, wa’i?

And I agree with the US Government’s decision that both men pose minimal risk to national security and ought to be transferred (there must be an oxymoron in there someplace – if they posed minimal risk to American national security, why are they being transferred?).

So, in my typical jungle fashion, I’d like to imagine exactly how a terrorist attack on the safest place in Ghana would look like – the Flagstaff House – and project the implications of such a threat on the rest of the country that are not as secured (like the Accra Mall).


Flagstaff House Down!

A successful assault of FSH by a two-man Gitmo squad would have to be done by RPGs and C4s. Any other attempt would be suicidal (like assaulting FSH with a fire-cracker).


Scrap that.

These folks don’t mind dying for a cause so let’s change the narrative. Once we do, the only cause for alarm for Gitmo Squad (let’s just call them G-Squad – they don’t mind) is being shot before they have the chance to inflict their hurt on the building and its inhabitants.

But that’s the easy part.

Let’s first examine the more difficult parts of the operation, which will include (1) bringing their weapons and small arsenal into the country (assuming they do not find a willing arms bazaar at Muntakar’s NDC stronghold in Alabar), (2) what motive they would have to want to launch such an assault, (3) training with a make-shift model of FSH and where, and (4) getting through FSH security, overcoming the building’s structural integrity (or at least the part that houses the resident DeadGoat) and eventually detonating their payload before the Airforce launches into the air in FSH’s defense, or Burma Camp sends in the Infantry (both of which would take all of about 60 minutes – even US Airforce F16s  take approximately 11 minutes to respond to a White House threat, never mind that that building’s internal security is practically unassailable).


  1. How would the G-Squad bring in RPGs and C4 Explosives?

Through our borders, of course, duh. I always wondered who’s been bringing all the guns into this country. There was a time in 2011 when I couldn’t get a plastic water-pistol through Customs in London, but I digress. Mainly through Aflao, where an NDC flag on anything resembling a dead goat would have uncontested passage. Togo and Benin, if the C4s and RPGs were procured from Boko Haram would not interfere, given all the bribery and corruption along that trade route. The possibility of intersection would be when the contraptions hit Ghana, but Ghana Customs are no saints either. Bribery and Corruption is the uniform Customs officials wear. All the news we’ve been hearing about weapons confiscations and crap could be because the importers didn’t bung the Customs people well enough. Do we have any idea how many other illegal weapons make it to their intended destinations through Ghana? But even more importantly, Our G-Squad will not be stopped by an incompetent, highly unpatriotic Customs service. Al-Qaeda has the bucks to see the weapons through, I’m telling y’all.

So, right there is the first hurdle, easily jumped over.


  1. Motive of the G-Squad

Only one needs to be mentioned here. What would you do if you were not a terrorist, but was dragged from your wife and family and hauled several miles to Guantanamo Bay, where you were stripped naked in winter, beaten, scourged, had electrocuting needles attached to your testicles and sizzled like pancakes, all for 14 good years? Add to that, no sex, no good meals, no toothbrush, no medication for common cold mpo, no TV, no shawarma, and certainly no goat khebab? Is it your testimony that you would, after your release, gently disappear into the warm Ghanaian sunlight, no questions asked, sir-yes-sir, and just disappear into the sunset? When 14 years of your life has been stolen, taken away, and otherwise messed up with in the stupid name of the War on Terror?

14 years under such conditions is enough to make a Pope turn terrorist. And that is a very good motivation. Their motive wouldn’t be personal, of course. They cannot possibly hate what the FSH represents, but launching an assault on Ghana for aiding and abetting the move to relocate them to another country when they should not have been taken away from their home countries to begin with, is a good, assailable logic and, even if it wasn’t, who the heck cares? G-Squad are terrorists for crying out loud!



  1. Where would they train?

This is easy. From the front of the TV3 offices, across the road from Afrikiko, even from the Police apartments across from FSH, and by driving around the Kanda side of FSH, G-Squad can plan their assault unhindered and unobserved, especially if they get rid of the Osama-like beard.

That is observation.

For training, there are many bushes that give plenty training cover in Accra. Achimota, Giffard Road and the University of Ghana have many possibly juicy training grounds, the bulk of which would involve physical exercises in which case any gym would serve that purpose.

So could the beach at Lavender hill.

This is koko koraaa.


  1. Breaching FSH Security

So, at this point, our Guantanamo Bay terrorists have all they need. One strong jeep, packed with C4 explosives, a few RPGs and some hand grenades. Some Kevlar vests plus a few Kalashnikovs.

FSH has 12 levels of security. Now, because the palace was built by Ghana’s most progressive thinking President (can’t say the same for the incompetent bunch that went juggling their fat bellies in Ho this weekend), I will here refrain from punching holes in FSH security protocols, but suffice it to say that the weakest point G-Squad will assault will be the front gate on Liberation Road. The check-point on the GBC Club House side of Presidential Drive has too many National Security and Military operatives to make it worth the trouble, and the entrance near the French Embassy doesn’t allow much room for maneuvering. The front gate is ballsy, but it would be the most efficient if G-Squad came in hot from the Parish Hall side and launched quickly into the security booth as soon as they abutted Liberation Road. The steel gates can withstand an armoured tank so the Achilles heel of the front is the security booth, usually manned by four soldiers.

The problem with FSH security is that it is not designed to be assault prohibitive. It was designed to be reactionary. That means it is only when the grenades are fired that we’ll have operatives moving in to deal with the threat. There’s nothing, even on the Presidential Drive sides that can botch a serious assault before it assumes nation-wrecking proportions (y’all should watch Olympus Has Fallen).

But, where it is weak in that regard, the front 200 metres of space running from the front gates after the breach until the presidential complex itself partly compensates for the weaknesses. That space allows for FSH Security to deal with any impending threat before it hits the presidential complex.

But this advantage is not exclusive to FSH Security. The controlling factor here would be shock and awe, brought on by an immense need for speed on both sides. Given the circumstances, G-Squad, being on the offensive, would clearly have the element of surprise on their side. If they were able to race through before the Army tanks in the courtyard rumble in from the south-western side to smash their threat, they would accomplish their mission of terror. In this case, only a fast, well-rehearsed reaction from FSH security operatives will quell the assault.

Globally, only White House Secret Servicemen and the Israeli Mossad have a wealth of experience in that regard.

This is where the RPGs come in handy. G-Squad will have our soldiers scrambling for cover behind the tanks from Mahmud Bin Atef’s assault while Al-Dhuby, spraying a Kalashnikov in all directions from behind the steering wheel aims for the bridge of the Presidential Complex. If they reach that bridge, the structural integrity of the complex notwithstanding, any delivery of a payload of C4s will rain hurt and damage on the resident dead goat and his goatees as happened in the 1998 Kenya US Embassy bombings.


But Hannah Tetteh says the ex-Detainees will be monitored.

Yeah right.

And I am the President of the Ghanaian Republic.

Before we believe that horse-poop about monitoring, have we in this country been able to monitor:

  1. The promised payments to the State’s coffers of Woyome’s misbegotten gains?
  2. Government’s promises, vis-à-vis the one-time NHIS premium?
  3. Judge Ajet Nassam’s flight after the judicial scandal?
  4. The increasing drop of the Ghana Cedi?
  5. The BNI’s funny warning about ISIL recruitments in Ghana and their inability to supply much intelligence in that funny warning’s support?
  6. The sanctioning of the stupid AK47 stunt on the NPP HQ?
  7. The clearing of street hawkers from the N1?
  8. The Ghana Police and Security Services recruitment scams?
  9. The number of soldiers and policemen who engage in armed robbery activities?
  10. The number of MTTU officers who extort money from Ghanaian drivers?
  11. How many Mahama ministers are engaged in money-stealing activities?
  12. The thievery and ridiculous promises of MFIs under the BoG?
  13. The number of Togolese and other nationals on our Electoral roll?
  14. The importation of banned fire crackers and knock-outs?
  15. How the Guinea-fowls flew from their SADA pens into Burkina Faso?


And we think we can monitor G-Squad?

What has FSH been smoking?


So not even FSH can survive a G-Squad Attack?

Absolutely not.

Oh sure, the building might stand (not the glass panels, though) and G-Squad will ultimately be subdued and shot, but the collateral damages will run into millions of Ghana Cedis and hundreds of military and security lives. Two people can inflict that much damage to our most secured edifice.

If they were every bit as dangerous as the allegations that committed them into Gitmo believed in the first place, then those ex-Detainees, if they so choose, could occupy FSH (if ever there was a building in dire need of a jolly good occupying) and deny it to our security forces for days.

Don’t get me started on what they could do at the Accra Mall and in Afrikiko.

That’s why we should send Santa Clause’s gift back to him.

That’s why any serious country would have had their Foreign Minister sitting naked on a hot bed of coals, sweating and getting chicken-browned before a pissed-off parliamentary committee on homeland security live on TV.

That’s why I sleep with my Kalashnikov.

Don’t also get me started on that miserable Parliament of Baboons…

In the meantime, uhm (clearing throat), where is Kwesi Pratt???

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